When a spiritual mentor or self-proclaimed “authority” crosses boundaries, manipulates, or abuses their position, the betrayal can feel disorienting in ways that are hard to express. You may question your intuition, your faith… or even your sense of self.
If you’re here because you’ve experienced spiritual manipulation and abuse, know this: what happened to you matters, your experience is real, your feelings are valid, and you are not alone.
What happened to you matters, your experience is real, your feelings are valid, and you are not alone.
Differentiate simple mistakes from intentional spiritual manipulation
Spiritual manipulation often hides behind language that sounds loving, healing, enlightened, or protective. In a manipulative dynamic, loyalty is framed as virtue, silence as humility, and doubt as a personal failure. You might have been encouraged to ignore discomfort “for your own good,” to surrender your agency “for the community,” or to trust the mentor’s insight over your own lived experience. Over time, these dynamics can slowly erode your confidence.
If you fell victim to any of this, remember that this does not mean you’re weak. Don’t blame yourself or beat yourself up for it. You’re only a human being who was trapped in a system designed to deceive you and override your boundaries.
At the same time, remember that not every painful experience with a spiritual mentor is abuse. Just as you are human, teachers are human too. Misunderstandings, misjudgments, or simple mistakes can happen even in healthy relationships.
What distinguishes intentional manipulation from human error are repetitive patterns and the response when these patterns are called out. Intentional manipulation creates an environment where repetitive problematic behaviors are normalized to the point that you do them without question. They repeat over and over.
Intentional manipulation creates an environment where repetitive problematic behaviors are normalized to the point that you do them without question.
In environments like this, concerns and complaints are simply dismissed. Boundaries are completely ignored and violated, or even reframed as “resistance”, “lack of faith”, “dissention”, or “betrayal”. Apologies, if offered, never lead to lasting change. You may find yourself constantly compromising, making unreasonable sacrifices, and just saying “yes” on instinct in an effort to avoid incurring your mentor’s wrath or ire. Why? Because you’ve seen what they do to people who do; the yelling, the humiliation, the backstabbing, the smear campaigns… and in some occult practitioners’ cases: literal cursing. Of course, you don’t want that to happen to you.
Being so entrenched in this kind of environment makes it difficult to actually see the manipulation for what it is. You may think things like:
- “Baka ako lang naman ‘to.” (“Maybe it’s just me.”)
- “Madami naman akong good experiences dito, wala lang ‘to.” (“I’ve had a lot of good experiences here anyway, so this is nothing.”)
- “Wala namang ibang nagrereklamo eh, shut up na lang ako.” (“No one else is complaining, so I should just shut up.”)
The key thing to remember is that if a dynamic consistently leaves you feeling smaller, silenced, or unsafe, then it’s not good for you.
Find the courage to take action
When you realize you’ve been caught up in a manipulative spiritual dynamic, it’s hard to figure out what to do next. And when you’re unsure, silence and inaction can feel like the safer options.
You may fear being misunderstood, blamed, causing conflict, or turning yourself into a prime target. This fear is absolutely valid because it’s the direct result of the conditioning that prioritized the mentor’s authority and power over your feelings and needs.
Before deciding what to do, remember that you don’t owe anyone your story. Healing is a personal matter, and disclosure is never required. You only owe yourself the courage and strength to remove yourself from this harmful situation.
Having courage doesn’t necessarily mean taking loud, bold action. Courage often begins quietly and internally: noticing your feelings, listening to your instincts, and acknowledging that you deserve to be treated better than this.
From there, courage can take external forms. You can start speaking out publicly and warning others. You can subtly create distance by not joining group engagements as often. You can quietly withdraw support from group events and activities. You can also choose to leave and completely cut ties without saying a word.
Having courage doesn’t necessarily mean taking loud, bold action. Courage often begins quietly and internally.
Remember that your safety — emotional, psychological, and physical — should always come first. Listen to your gut and heart; let them lead you to the action that allows you to remove yourself from the manipulator’s sphere of influence while safeguarding your well-being.
Grieve and let go
Moving on after spiritual manipulation can feel complicated, especially if the spirituality you practiced with this particular person or group once felt like home. You might miss the sense of belonging, meaning, or certainty the connection/community provided, even as you recognize the harm. This grief is normal.
You are allowed to grieve what was beautiful while acknowledging what was damaging. Letting go means honoring the entire truth of what you experienced.
You are allowed to grieve what was beautiful while acknowledging what was damaging. Letting go means honoring the entire truth of what you experienced.
Rebuild trust and inner authority
As you rebuild, you may have trouble trusting anyone again, whether others or even yourself. If you feel this way, be gentle with yourself. Relearning how to trust and listen to your own inner signals takes time. Small acts of autonomy can help: choosing what resonates and what doesn’t, saying “no” to things that don’t serve you, exploring spiritual practices that emphasize consent and personal agency… or simply focusing on the activities (and the people) that make you feel safe and happy.
Seek support that honors your boundaries
If you feel the need to seek support from others, look for individuals and groups who empathize with your situation while respecting your boundaries. Trauma-informed therapists, peer support groups, or survivor-led communities can offer grounding and validation. The right support will never rush you, pressure you to forgive, or insist on a single healing modality; it will meet you where you are.
Remember: healing is not linear, and that’s okay
Finding your way back to yourself after experiencing spiritual manipulation and abuse is not a linear journey. Some days you may feel strong and clear; other days, you may feel like you’re drowning in doubt or self-blame. This does not mean you are failing. Remember that you’re processing something that cut deeply into your heart and soul. Wounds like that are not easy to heal.
Each time you choose loving compassion for yourself, you are quietly undoing the harm that the spiritual manipulation inflicted upon you. Let that loving compassion empower you to honor yourself and move forward in whatever way feels safest and truest to you.
Each time you choose loving compassion for yourself, you are quietly undoing the harm inflicted upon you.
Additional Note:
I wrote this post after reading this Reddit thread, wherein victims of manipulation and abuse by a local spiritual leader have finally stepped forward and shared their stories anonymously. I was never part of this leader’s group, but I’ve witnessed the damage his actions have caused to several of my friends (and even relatives). Recently, I heard he has mentioned me by name in a not-so-private chat and attempted to slander me (along with 2 other women, both of whom were formerly part of his “inner circle” of most loyal students).
I choose not to focus on addressing him, naming him, or calling him out any further than the Reddit thread already has. I would much rather focus on the most important people in this situation: the victims who are most in need of help and healing. If you’re one of them, I hope you’re okay. If not, you will be okay. Just give yourself the gift of compassion, patience, and space.